Date of publication: 2017-07-08 23:33
It is best to omit this detail since it suggests that you failed to appreciate the difficulty of your father's work. See the alternative treatment of this idea I have proposed in the revised essay.
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Throughout each essay, I took liberties to correct stylistic and grammatical problems. My changes largely took the form of making sentence transitions smoother and more compelling, varying sentence structure to keep the reader interested, and pruning unnecessary words to increase sentence comprehension and coherence. I consciously tried to leave your own voice and ideas intact.
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I provided a stronger transition to this sentence, which encapsulates your main motivation for pursuing a career in IT. Your original paragraph was a bit too general, so I anchored your assertions in concrete fact to make them more compelling.